On Zero.

Ten years ago today, I celebrated the vivacity of my mother among beloved friends and family. Her passing was the launch of a new journey for me, and her salute was a North Star imbedded in my heart for the remainder of my days. One year ago today, a man, with whom I was falling […]

On Ten Years.

Hi, Mom. I currently lack the elegance and poise necessary to begin this correspondence in a manner civilized enough for honoring the 10-year mark of your passing. After a decade of mining, sorting, disinviting, grieving, and rebuilding… I’m fucking tired. But you knew I would be. You always said, “Some things are worth losing sleep […]

Q.

Children. I don’t have my own for a reason. That reason: I irritate myself enough. This party doesn’t need a plus two. In all seriousness, child-rearing was never of interest to me. I prefer (and enjoy) the titles of “Auntie Bek,” “Aunt Beki,” or “What’s your name?” The nieces, nephews, and I hang; we do […]

OCTOBER 3RD.

I’m in the midst of projects for two clients that require my brain cells to foxtrot, tango, and hustle simultaneously. I just busted my attention two-stepping over to thoughts of making out with my version of Aaron Samuels because it’s October 3rd and wouldn’t it be delicious to be… Bek, STOP. Focus. Refresh your coffee […]

EMOTIONAL EXCAVATION.

Maker’s Mark with club soda and lime juice refreshed. Apartment cozily lit and comfortably cradled by the faint hums of city life. MacBook Air pumped to 93%. This is the calmest I’ve been since May of this year. The most clear-headed as well. Our Founding Fathers were really on to something with their checks and […]

REALLY, I’M FINE.

When I was a child, my mother was given a t-shirt by a friend that displayed a print of a cow on its back. Under the cow was written, “Really, I’m fine…” The gift was an homage to my mother’s merciless habit of downplaying her lupus and the struggles that resulted from it. She wore […]

BUT I DIGRESS.

I’m committed to this whole posting every other day thing to “build the blog”. Yes, there’s intent behind the fervor and a method to my madness, but… Right now, I’m going off script. Diverting from the hypomanic (diagnosed), OCD (self-diagnosed) treatment. I want to exult the joy one receives from being alone. Going it alone. […]

WHY ALBUQUERQUE?

Over the past five years, I’ve developed deep respect for my wanderlust. I know it’s more than just an itch scratched by an airport Bloody Mary, IKEA-dressed Airbnb, and 10 gallery tour. The change of environment levels my mania. The anonymity of travel reboots my sanity. I left Buffalo, New York very little as a […]

NOELLE.

As an only child, I’ve collected surrogate siblings throughout my life. They’re individuals with whom I not only share history, but bonds that are seemingly unbreakable no matter the hammering they receive. I love each of them unconditionally (even when conditions aren’t favorable) and for very different reasons, regardless of the similarities they […]

IF-THEN. EQUATIONS. QUESTIONS.

I pride myself on my unabashed nature. Bold action that’s personality driven. Use of out-there tactics. It puts a smirk on my face; it stirs the particles of my universe efficaciously. A side effect of my way of being is a visceral impatience for stagnancy and vanilla days. I’d never make it in a small […]