Celebrating Three Years Of Fear And Laziness

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The meaning of things changes.

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”

~ Zora Neale Hurston

I launched eatingatme three years ago today. Its purpose at the time was to showcase my writing through my exploration of food (the kind you put in your mouth for sustenance). That pursuit lasted briefly; the roadmap didn’t feel authentic to me. As a result, the blog has been a hodgepodge of creative output; spurts often filled with heartbreak and narcissistic analysis that have carried no consistent thread.

To be honest, what eatingatme has done well is expose my propensity for being lots of talk with little action (which I venture to guess is obvious to you, the reader). This isn’t one of my finer qualities; in fact, it’s the quality that makes me the saddest. I’m smart, savvy, creative, and adventurous, but all too often I allow fear and laziness to rob the best of me.

A fear of change, and the laziness to tackle something unknown, are what hold me back. I’m often resistant. This was the topic of conversation for my inner monologue one morning while showering. Feelings of failure and anger were building up inside, and pouring down my face in the form of fat, salty tears. I stepped in front of the mirror, stared at my splotchy face, and into my intense cobalt eyes; I wanted to punch the mirror. But for whatever reason, I looked down and caught a glimpse of the tattoo pictured above. The logo of my defunct event company. Surprisingly, instead of feeling frustration over being branded by breakdown, I thought:

“Bek, the meaning of things changes.”

Yes. That “R” pays homage to the smarts, savvy, creativity, and adventure it took to bring it into being. That was the permission I was seeking for my personal life, professional endeavors, eatingatme’s course. Things change. Some years are for the questions. Some years are for the answers.

So today launches year four and something tells me that this year, on a variety of levels, is the year for answers, the year for discovering new meanings. I’m so ready.

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