December 8, 2014

I’ve returned to writing first thing in the morning. Right now I’m regaining consciousness with a cup of lukewarm coffee and Banks’ “Begging For Thread”.

I perused yesterday’s post and feel like brightening the mood slightly. I have a closet stacked with cement cowboy boots for us to wear on future strolls at the bottom of my ocean of crap. Let’s soar above the stormy seas today.

Making a difference in this enormous, intensely complicated, seemingly unmaneuverable world. Go.

(Um, how is this lighter material, Bek?)

Please push “pause” on brain trickery and just feel. What comes over you when you know that you created change anywhere with anyone over anything? Personally, I tingle and I like it.

It’s how I felt often when working at Maret School and The Washington Ballet during my D.C. days. Taking part on teams of teachers, artists, and philanthropists who provided education and inspiration for children and adults, nationally and internationally, was jazzy. Crafting the opportunity for others to step into an idea and actualize it successfully was delightful; it became addicting in fact.

It was the same feeling I would get when I was dancing/performing, and how I now feel when I play drums. There was freedom in creating, a visceral attraction to raw material and movement. It emerges when I watch great artists gift their audience with their souls; I only care about the direct connection with the performer in that moment and how it’s ordering all of my molecules.

In the early years of Red Letter Days Events, I felt this juju. I remember distinctly thinking how cool it was to generate the emotions evoked from performing through building the business with Mia, being of service to others, and developing our personas as rock ‘n roll planners with smarts and heart. I thought I’d found my life’s work.

Then I planned one too many weddings and lost my ass and my mind.

Diagnosis: time to move away from event planning and take on what fulfills me, what gives me the tingles, while making a difference to others. Writing has always been the gift that’s brought me back to the juju, the feel good, my center. Oddly it doesn’t matter what I’m writing; I simply enjoy crafting sentences that say a lot with the fewest words possible. Of course I prefer memoir writing to, say, business plans, but honestly, relaying the story of a really awesome company whose mission is full of positivity and potential is quite a privilege. And I’ve had pretty great luck at getting those stories funded.

My latest venture is entirely selfish with the hope that some folks will take interest in what I’m up to. I’ve met and have become friends with some incredibly interesting people over the years. They run the gamut of professions but the thing they have in common (besides me) is that they’re real and that they’ve created change for others.

Whenever I’m lost I turn to my loved ones. That’s what I’m doing now. I’m certain that through their magic I’ll find my way back to the juju, the feel good, my center. I’ll be on the path to making a difference.

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