December 2, 2014

rdj

 

Breaking news: the checks and balances between my head, heart, and gut are dragging serious ass. Time for this kid to find a new constitutional government.

I vote for a democracy not controlled by fear. When my schedule lightened considerably this past April, I WAS fearless. I was ready to take on a second master’s degree. I was ready to travel the world and write, write, write. I was ready for change and opportunity and chance and a big “fuck you” to my past.

Then I hit a brick wall called panic/laziness/”depression” late summer. Instead of boldly navigating my way through it, I’ve let it consume me. Basically, I’ve let it eat at me.

Until Thanksgiving. Apparently that was the meal my demons had been desiring. I witnessed what it is that’s most important to me, and what I don’t want to become, and very simply thought, “fuck it”. You’ve already hit rock bottom multiple times; you already know what intense sadness, embarrassment, and discomfort feels like; you’re pathetically bored. What’s in your way?

Oh, yeah. ME.

Starting in 2012, I used daily posting on Facebook to write myself out the same state I’ve been in. Well, I’m going to kill two birds with one stone and transition to this blog for the daily download. Guess you could say my morning or evening pages will now take residency on eatingatme.com. Great for content building!

So read on or move on. For the first time since I launched this blog in February 2012, its existence makes sense to me. It’s going to help me diagnose what’s eating at me now so that I can truly develop the Bek I know I am but have lost the past 12+ years. Enjoy.

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