House Cleaning

I’m unplugging the wasteful, mundane, and broken. Expired food has been thrown away. Old clothes will be donated.

IMG_2684

No time like the present.

It doesn’t matter what others think.

Embrace change.

Live the life YOU want.

Be on fire!

Carpe Diem/YOLO

The above mantras have meant less to me as the summer’s progressed. They’re empty words that I find irritating, like a stranger who tells you to smile.

I’m waking up angry again. I was on a dreamy hiatus from my daybreak chaos for a few months but as my self-imposed deadline of September 1–when I must have the meaning of my life and the roadmap to self-actualization completely figured out–approaches, I’m resembling my deceased cat, who wasn’t known for her charm.

I keep telling myself that I’m a smart kid; I’ll get there. But really, how long am I going to keep up this charade? This isn’t to say that I don’t think I have it in me or that I’m throwing my hands up in defeat, but clearly I’m not making decisions that advance my future. I’m fine but not excited. Life has lovely moments that I savor, but I don’t feel ongoing electricity.

My commitment to writing full-time (the definition of which I’m still uncertain) has been slow to take. Writing is one of the few things that I’ve loved since childhood so I’m nervous about making it THE thing. Prior careers involved talent, not passion, so walking away usually provided relief.

The one mantra that I’ve held close, that hasn’t made my skin crawl, is the one about expecting the same results if you do the same things. This resonates, so when I woke up this morning in a fit of indefinable rage, I took the leap and asked myself what I could do differently that second to diffuse my crazy.

Immediate response: unplug.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m in my third year of writing a little something on Facebook each morning to presence positivity and/or get me going. It’s a thing, and has had its moments of tedium, but lately, I’ve entertained just calling the whole thing off. In fact, I’ve considered closing all my social media accounts.

Confession: I’m a social media addict. I’m on Facebook and Instagram constantly. It eats up too much of my day and very rarely leaves me feeling anything but dissatisfied, like dining at McDonald’s. It also holds me back from moving on. For as much as I enjoy using my trigger finger on the world, I’m pretty sensitive and social media gives access to people, places, and things that I should leave alone. It’s better that I find sources of nourishment that promote growth.

Unplugging from hyperactively participating in social media for a week, as I approach that almighty deadline, has provided immediate calm. I’m also “housecleaning” other areas for increased breathing room: clearing up conversations that needlessly suck me dry; dusting off the pile of literary compasses that will help me navigate my course; putting a fresh coat of wax on the heavy bag. I even have my third drumming lesson this week, which always charges the batteries.

Must admit, I already feel rejuvenated having purged through this post. Maybe I should entertain retiring my Facebook dailies for crafting “morning pages” on eatingatme. Builds content while keeping me sane.

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One thought on “House Cleaning

  1. Dear Sister Bec,
    As always I enjoy reading what you write, it can be a shopping list or a top-10 list of most annoying people…you write it-I love it 😉
    But what got to me reading this post was that you said you were nervous about making writing THE thing…..IT ALLREADY IS THE THING, it’s been your thing for a long long time and you know it and so does everybody who ever read anything you wrote. Go all in and do the damn thing allready…because you can and you deserve to.

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