Crossroads

“The writer operates at a peculiar crossroads where time and place and eternity somehow meet. His problem is to find that location.” ~ Flannery O’Connor

 

“So, Bek, when are you going to post something new on eatingatme?”

fuck you

Answer your question?

Here’s my problem:

1. I want the world but seemingly don’t want to work too hard for it.

2. I desire to be acknowledged for my self-diagnosed awesomeness but miss the mark consistently. Maybe that’s because I feel the need to rebel (with a smile) at all times.

3. I want time and place and eternity to just Garmin my ass to the right location where I shit disco dust and cupcakes, rendering me a bona fide rock star.

I’m fucking stuck, y’all. I’m a gigantic schmuck for wasting the amount of time I have in first gear, and, yes, I’m a bit o’ a princess. “At a crossroads” is just a measly semi-colon in a looooong run-on sentence of rants and self-help psychobabble.

Woe is me.

Bored yet? Same here. Something’s gotta shift because if it doesn’t, I’ll grow older in self-imposed solitary confinement with no money and only my creepy thoughts to keep me company.

But eh, I’m not entirely hopeless, I suppose. Three years ago, I began a process of posting daily chachka on Facebook. Launched January 1, 2012, my intention was to begin my day positively and with a clear head, even if what I wrote was silly rubbish. It was meant to transition me out of a lingering depression without the use of medication; it became my dose of happy. Somewhat surprisingly, it worked and the following year yielded daily posts that became a strategy to track accountably and consistency. Got myself back in the work force and living life fully again. It was within 2013 that I last posted on eatingatme.

Current year, my march has been different: I’m working towards meaningful goals so that at the age of 40, 50, 60, 70+ I don’t look back and say “What the hell happened?!?” Similar to the first two years, outcomes have been unexpected and enlightening. Disparately, 2014 has been stormy and moody but highly productive. It’s felt as if history has repeated itself with unfulfilling professional decisions and personal relationships that often leave me banging my head in frustration. However, I’ve eradicated most of my life’s musts and shoulds and have replaced them with happy meals.

I’m two weeks shy of my 39th birthday and I made a promise to myself that I’d already have change I can believe in progressing so that at the stroke of midnight on the big day, I can jubilate without tethers. Fortunately, the daily posting has worked in my favor through some big transitions and it’s likely that entering 39 will be a little slice of alright.

Which has me thinking about this blog. Since its first post in February 2012, it’s been a work in progress; a home for me to play with writing. I’ve come in and out of its life like that one person you can’t stop sleeping with, but now it’s time to settle down and put a ring on it.

I don’t have a grandiose announcement for what eatingatme 2.0 will be; I’m still playing with ideas. Safe to assume, though, that since its creation centered around my journey to understand my dance with food (food being very broadly defined), the “re-launch” will provide the meal in which I pour 100%, maybe dressing the plate with some justified rebellion.

Hmm. I think this crossroads has been repaved with some red, pink, and orange disco dust. Giggitty.

(Thanks to John O’Mara Photography for capturing my inner child.)

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